Where is God in our hard times?

BY: Deng Mangok Ayuel, AWIEL, South Sudan, APR/12/2013, SSN;

It was an incredible morning before I woke up from bed last Sunday to have learned that ‘peace’ has been fading like the morning dew in our hearts. The morning was as impossible as draining Kiir river with a tea-spoon. As I lay idly on the bed, exclusively powerless like a bull being led to the slaughter house in Aweil, I realized that the mood around me was extremely bumbling. It was like a dream to a cowardly memory scared by tragedies. Perhaps, I should play games on the screen of the computer at a free time instead of browsing the web to panic on killings in Jonglei or cattle raiding in Rumbek.

Before I go to the church for prayers on the same morning, a friend of mine phoned and told me about his cousin who was killed by rebels in Jonglei. He said that they received a message yesterday while he was killed sometimes in February. Should I go to the church or funeral?

Where is God in these difficult times? Where is ‘peace’ in South Sudan?

I was nearly frustrated, almost wishing a solid wall would instantaneously collapse on me inside a dark room. Did tragedy in Rumbek have anything to do with me in Aweil? I was conflicting with my thoughts, blaming myself for being here and there to see people suffering in our country.

I found myself staring pointlessly at the roof, but my attention was on the strange thoughts invading my solitude. I heard myself exclaiming under my breath: peace, peace, peace!

What is peace? What do I want from it? And where is it, now here? What is expected of me also as a citizen in the country? And why am I not from South Africa? From Ghana, why not somewhere else?

Or why am I not born as a reptile, bird or fish to escape poverty and austerity measures in South Sudan? It is invincible, but I need peace.

How about a wife? Why do I need someone who shall not be in peace with me? Maybe everybody is getting a wife? Who and where? Must she be tall, fat, thin, or short? A beautiful girl from Somalia, Europe, Togo or Kenya!

Many wives, many mouths to feed, many enemies and there is no peace at home? Is this a life?

How about children, big office, big title, many cars, big house and big bank account? How are all these necessary to my mission and purpose on earth as a man?

Maybe my exertion on earth if envisaged by those who schemed to bring me here required of me to be lonely, poor, with nothing but my voice and body without peace?

To what end are all pain and emotional stress in me? What wrong thing did I do to be punished, and how should I know I have failed to be punished?

And where am I going from here? So will I be no more someday? When, how and why? Will that day be fearful, painful, mournful, and joyful? God knows.

I ask again! What is life all about? Why kill someone? Why loot cattle? And where is the law? And I heard myself saying I am deeply scared. Perhaps it not a great idea to be mad on Sunday morning when one is expected in the church.

What is in the church? The thoughts came rushing in again. Maybe Worship God! Who is God? Male, female, old, young, Muslim, Christian or Machardit …? I gave unto God what was happening unto me. God really knows what He planned for His people.

All in all, I shouldn’t remain laying on the bed to mourn a missing part of my social life. I can’t change any system in our village if villagers are not united. I can’t also do something good if I don’t have resources or hands to help others.

If people desire to have lengthened and indefinite periods in leadership, be honored or respected, they should do things in peaceful and helpful way toward one another if they wanted to be recognized and remembered as people who have done better things to others in this world.

Deng Mangok Ayuel lives in Aweil. He can be reached at:mangokson@gmail.com

8 Comments

  1. Max10 says:

    we only need a change of government, brother, as you know the current government has failed South Sudan,
    it has failed to provide security to civilians, a government known for stealing money only.

  2. Am currently in juba not my homeland, Twic mayardit, and i had observed a lot of things here. What i saw here our govt had done is only promoting corruption. And they always print T shirts saying `fight corruption` is a duty of every citizen. Who among the top corrupters will allow citizens to fight corruption? No peace in South Sudan. Believe me Brothers.

    • Andrew Jienge says:

      No, no, no. I don’t believe you, Manut Michael Lual. Everything is ok in RSS, there is development & tranquility! I doubt if you just came to Juba?! You are always in Juba, liar! You & your cousin Dengor have been writing on this forum boosting that you are in Nairobi/Khartoum seeking treatment. How do you get to Nairobi from Twic Mayar, do you think we are kids?! I think you are one of the suspects in president’s office theft. You have been suspended, and now you are seeing things from ordinary citizen perspective.

      Or in fact you have been all this time in your village, and your uncle missed sending you all the good things from Juba due to austerity measures. So you came by yourself to check it out and realise there is corruption and no peace in RSS.

      You & your cousins have been defending this government because president is from your tribe and you are the beneficiaries of the mess in this nation.

  3. Khamis Imoi says:

    Hey Manut Michael, was it not you who sang that all we speak about GoSS resources mismanagement should continue because they fought and lost alot of relatives in the war? Stop being a hypocrite. I once told you that the Lango people of South Sudan say, “nobody knows the importance of his buttocks until he has a wound in it,” now you feel what you hear us talking always. Now I request you to dissociate yourself from this Twic Mayardit thing here because that is where corruption plans are cooked from. Stay blessed and get more wisdom while visiting Juba

  4. King of Nyamlel says:

    Everyone lost relatives. This is to say that this govt is for us all.

  5. ahmed hassan says:

    hi brothers and sisters,
    I can say the nation is growing and challenges are already in place.
    If you read the history of all the developing and developed, the challenges mentioned are always similar. You will progress if you choose the path of peace. Am proud to be in south Sudan.

  6. Okeny Lojuron says:

    I read your article with pity, where is God? you go to church but it looks like you do not understand the power
    of God. the question should be, what have we done to thank God for our liberation? when the Israelis were cruelly
    oppressed in Egypt, God said I have heard the cry of my people, and He sent Moses for deliverance, but when they
    rejected God, He abandoned them 40 years wondering in the desert as punishment until that generation was lost.
    the rebellion and killings, cattle raids, corruption, mismanagent, to mention but few, means the God’s angel of mercy has been withdrawn from South Sudan. we must therefore rethink our position and come back to true worship and honesty.

  7. King of Nyamlele says:

    Okeny,

    Going to the church can’t make you a good christian. What is necessary is the lamentation, circumstance towards what one faces as God can’t do everything every time, but where is it in a hard time?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.