Parody on Salva Kiir: I’ve a vision

BY: Shamga B. John, SOUTH SUDAN, AUG/26/2013, SSN;

I am Salva Kiir and I have a vision for South-Sudan under SPLM.

Many members of the public and some political colleagues Like Risky Mosochist Taunted Devil or Riek Machar Teny Durgon as some ethnic followers call him, always make accusatory statements, labelling me as not being visionary. However, here in this piece I am categorically telling them that I have a vision – a corruption vision.

And before getting into details about my corruption vision here is a little anecdotal story about my key rival Dr. Masochist Taunted Devil:

Dr. Masochist is a natural criminal – highly talented in committing crimes under political umbrella. He is a kind of criminal who cannot achieve much without the help of rebellion, for he always need assassins, crooks, torturers, and manipulators.

On a closer look, what you take as a heroic clash between him and me when he was my vice is in fact a clash between uncivilized politics and the brutal exercise of power by criminals.

We are both criminals but he is worse than I am. I am just a thief and land grabber. However, he is thief, land grabber, rebellion inciter, and murderer. He could get away with the murders he has committed for years.

I can openly say natural criminals like him can even die with their dastardly deeds, and at the end of the day their crimes are not accounted for since we are both criminals, and can counter accuse each other

It would be better if there was a different system to catch people like him and may be me as well quickly and publicly humiliate them. Otherwise, they would integrate into the community, camouflaged in contemporary anonymity and start being active again, like he is now doing- he is now acting like a real politician when he simply deserve death penalty, while I only deserve jail.

He inconspicuously gets to churches for Sunday prayers, and moves about or wander stealthily in search of more preys. He dresses himself in a suit to look like smart, but I know he is just Mr. Masochist.

Dr. Masochist, like all his fellow predators evolved, knows how to stalk his victims by gaining their trust, pretentiously taking advantage of misdeeds by the right people like me. Sadist like him at grass root, do not wear their hearts on their sleeves. Instead, they hide behind a carefully constructed façade of normalcy.

Because of his psychopathic nature, a killer like him does not know how to feel sympathy for others, or even make relationships after worst he has caused to other. For example, his recent pretentious apology to those who’s loved ones he killed, plus his recent criticism of the very government he was part of.

Well, the apology deserving people have a responsibility for their loved ones, but I have a responsibility for my government and I kicked him in the ass come what may.

Masochist does not deserve any chance, he can only sit on the fence, and learn to simulate normal behavior by observing others. All his recent rhetoric and promises are just manipulative acts, designed to entice you into his killer trap, which is worse than my corruption vision.

Anyway, let’s get back to the topic, what is it to be visionary? Well, as far as dictionaries are concerned, vision as a term is defined as an ability to think about and plan for the future using intelligence and imagination.

Therefore, a visionary leader is someone with clear ideas or hope of how something should be done in the future. And as per the definition above to remind you, it does not mention anywhere if being corrupt with your oligarchic out of touch oldies is not a vision.

As far as I know as a major politician, being corrupt is a vision and is important. The true reason for it is that it creates a desire to get rich quickly by any means. I and my lovely out of touch oligarchic oldie colleagues are a little too old, and we do not have time to work so hard like in free and competitive societies to yield returns in the end.

It is only corruption that guarantees rapid change in financial conditions for us and our families. It also gives chances to practice debauchery and decadency. At least we are making up for the lost teenage time during the war.

What is it that is better than your strong whiskey, a girl friend minster, or a teenage girl round at your relaxation time? Whiskey, women, and a song here close, and you are the top man in country, wow! What else do you expect of yourself from this world? You are a teenager again at 76, amazing!

I know some religious zealots have threatened us with verses from the Bible, for example, Galatians 5:16-24. It says “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against.” this is all bullshit.

This versus, 2000 years since they were said, and they are still hanging round here to threaten us. Well, it does not matter; we have a solution for them.

We have designed a society ruled by corrupt officials and the whole system of moral, ethical, and religious values is impaired. Everyone that pretends they can create a distinction between right and wrong and then choose the direction of right will try and try and try, but they will give up and finally try to join our oligarchic bro and girlie club.

Only that I do not know if it will be easy for them to make it through the barrier of socioeconomic difference between the highest ranked group where I am in, and the subordinate group where they might be in.

And as you can tell from the name of the club bro and girlie, we are not sexist in our SPLM system. We are inclusive. Awut Deng Achuil and Nunu Kumba have the same job titles as us, and have the same level of seniority and equal responsibilities as us, and the same level of salaries. The difference comes in only when you are junior SPLM or non SPLM because there is another system called patriarchy in place as you go down the ladder.

Patriarchy means that all patriarchal men and women like us in the SPLM should rank above all, while everyone else is subordinate and useless. At subordinate level all subordinate men are above subordinate women.

This in another word means that subordinate men in the socio-economic hierarchy get the best part of the kill always whenever there is. And it generally tells you that men (as a group) should benefit more from the injustices of patriarchy than women do (as a group). We do not care however they do it.

And as I said earlier there is a socio-economic barrier between us and them. Up there we have joined hands together and create that barrier to make sure the subordinate men and women do not penetrate the the hierarchy. We want to be always better than them.

We have to deprive them continuously so that they do not get time to look back and think of getting together to fight us. At least we want to make it look like India – nothing is wrong with producing outcasts or untouchables or poor colonies that should not be associated with.

Borrowing cultures from other social systems is normal, especially if they give upper hand financially.

To make sure that this corruption vision is accomplished there is a banking system created to give all the oil money to commercial banks; and foreign exchange bureaus. All of which we either own solely or have shares in together with foreigners to help keep the people continuously suppressed, and these foreigners are in to run them so that it does look like we are part of the ownership team.

At least Kornillo Koryom is there for this part of the vision, he is a trusted man on this.

Koryom is doing his job very well. He has hijacked the funding of all kinds of infrastructure by running businesses that only benefit us. While we are busy enriching ourselves we keep them (subordinates) busy with lies in order to make them hope for the better.

For instance, we tell them of new hospital in the capital, John Garang Memorial Hospital with free treatment for everyone in all states, new medical schools in ten states for university practical classes, tarmac road soon to be started a blood bank soon to be under construction in Juba et cetra.

8 years on and I can state clearly that corruption is at its best, the more best case scenario is that me and my oligarchic friends and my good for nothing MPs have establish ten commandments to make sure that our corrupt vision is obeyed and carried till our kids become politically mature and takeover.

And bellow the commandments go as follow:

Ten Commandments of SPLM or Sudan property Looting Movement under Salva Kiir:

1. Never be truthful with justice (allow your Aweil and Awan community to take the law into their own hands when thieves like Akuen are apprehended).

2. Camouflage true intentions, lies should be consistent (never change the intention, make promise each year but do not deliver).

3. Loot the treasury down to its feet (allow everyone, for example, Deng Athorbei, Gier Chuang, Pagan, Achuil, Akuen, and whoever else you know, to steal at will so that there is no one to take the responsibility to pursue another as everyone is a thief).

4. Nurture your power base with a continuous money shower (make sure that you have cartons of hard currency kept in residential home so loyalists can have access to the cake too whenever they like. They can steal if they wish to so in your residential compound).

5. Keep a solid grip on media and intelligence (train a bunch of semi-illiterate and illiterate fellow alcoholic idiots like gelbeny, and station them nearby, to protect your crime syndicate. That makes it easy prevent free speech).

6. Keep the media out of your bedroom (drink these semi-illiterate and illiterate fellow alcoholic idiots up every day, and give them orders to intimidate the media so that the crime magnitude including within your homes do not reach the world at large).

7. Friends and allies are disposable assets (despite the good for nothing parliament rejecting Telar Ring, try all means to keep him round till people forget and find him a position. And keep Musveni very close despite public rejection too).

8. Never embark on projects of long-term benefit (never do anything for public like hospitals, roads and electricity).

9. Stay in power as long as you can (never follow the constitution and be a dictator).

10. Eliminate all enemies and rivals and replace them with those who can intimidate the public like Kuol Manyang in defence, and put in yes men like Mr. SPLA Thoura Bẽta Ana in place of Risk Masochist Taunt Devil, or Riek Machar Teny Durgon.

My good for nothing MPs are under gag order, I pay them 1100 dollars per session and there are four parliamentary sessions weekly, that means that in a month they get paid 17600 dollars. Add that to their monthly pay of 2000 dollars and then judge that for yourself, can they represent you or do nothing for me?

Not representing anyone is very juicy and sweet in chocolate way for these gagged MPs. Now they know they get this overwhelming sum in dollars without out having to work hard. So rhetorically it makes them sometime go like, “Wow…. what a parliament, we are so lucky to get in here!”, Why should we hold on to a stupid questioning at question session for which we can be regarded disturbing and considered useless in this fantastic oligarch bro and girlie club? And they just do nothing for me.

Corruption has thrived so well in our country; recently we were ranked fourth among the world-failed states. We are just three steps away from getting number one.

As a corrupt and failed state, we have made sure that economic suppression of our people is the best technique available to produce social inequality. There is a solution to corruption but I just do not want anybody including myself to do anything.

There is probably a solution straightforward and it should be like this: if a crime is committed, those involved need to be punished. In addition, anyone indulging in inappropriate behavior should face justice.

However, as a head of this country, I have all the power and the resources in my hands, and I am the sole decision make – I am the one who can select and kick out people by decree.

I am the paragon of this perfect system where those that I favor have freedom to loot the national resources, while those that I do not like can get disown at discretion.

I know these results in political instability and the example can be clearly seen in Bentiu, Jonglei and Lake State. In these states morons of all kinds who are not happy with me altogether with other political criminals find a foothold to recruit supporters and sympathizers like Yau Yau to launch attacks and create chaos in the lives of poor citizens.

Nevertheless, this is nonsense and each time I hear it I ignore then just keep on enjoying with girlies, I love it.

In another word, being corrupt is a vision and is important to wealth creation, especially when you are too old. It generally promises rapid change in financial conditions for you and your family. It enables you to enjoy as if you are a teenager at a time when one is close to age care centers.

Look now, despite being close to the so-called age care or next to graveyard home we still look 20s in the eyes of money hungry teenage girls. It is highly advisable that the above commandments be in place at all times to protect the corruption vision.

It is a great vision. Keep on with the vision bros and girlies, SPLM Oyeeeeeeeee!!!

Thank you,
Dr. Salva Kiir Mayardit

By: Shamga B John


  1. Luka Mariak says:

    Shamga B John, it is always good to be constructive by telling your readers the way forward and this I think can be done once you identified the purpose of your writings.


    • Raan Naath says:


      You did silly well in demonizing both Salva Kiir and Riek Machar but you fell short of taking us to the point; a third leader that you wanted to take over from Kiir and Riek. Who is that holy leader that you want to become the president?

  2. Kong Puok Tongluot says:

    Shamga B John
    Did cde Salva say that he has a vision like Luther King or you an elite liar to President?
    My friend, Salva is an illiterate man, his vision only SPLM, in which has been lost, its vision to corruption rampage. Don’t try any thing about Mr big hat wearing man, let him mess until his an impasse comes.


  3. upiu says:

    It’s sad how a lot of people do not appreciate the artistic work of people like Shamga. If you don’t get the sense of humor in it, just shut up and let those who get it enjoy it.
    Whether what he is saying is right or wrong, is irrelevant. He is definitely making fun of the leadership infighting.

    To Shamga – don’t get discouraged by those negative responses from those without any sense of satirical writing. You’ve got a lot of fans who enjoy your work, so keep writing. You made my day!

  4. Aloe says:

    I agree Upiu, lots of flatheads here. Other than that one, my only comment is that a parody implies none of the info is true when it is. This is the reality of our supposed top brass.

  5. Lare Justice says:

    Wow! this is a very piece of interesting of work and funny! You indeed made my day. I love it.

  6. Canon the destroy says:

    Thanks to writer, those who are criticising this article are those who were touched by the article and they are not happy to have on the web as this message serves as an alert to those may not be able to think for themselves but may follow what others thinks is right. They fear the outcome of the reaction once this article is taken into consideration to liberate them.

    They know it very well that they will lose enjoying in those 6 x 6 beds in hotels in Juba with Farmers’ daughters who don’t know that the wealth (monies) they are paid for are theirs. It now up to us to save our sisters from those looters as well saving our country from fathers (corruptists).
    U can add more dear, it is a lovely reading.

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